One of the hardest things I have had to do in my life was this. I'm sure there will be much more harder things i will face but this right now takes the cake. I thought I would never see this day. I was scared for this day.
But after my nurse left I was overcome by emotion. I was upstairs by myself left alone to think about where it all started.
Laying on the couch everyday praying I could just sip one more bit of water. Take one more nausea med. Pray that my kids would come sit by me and not be scared. Listening to them at dinner with Troy and wishing I could have the strength to just sit up on the couch and watch them.
Driving away each time I was taken to the hospital..missing them all already. Hating myself for not being "strong enough." For not finding it in me to fight harder. That this was all my fault.
Laying in the hospital scared half of the time. Wondering if this was my last time there. If I was going to wake up.
It all came flooding to me and I was crying happy tears for the first time. I can't believe this is over. I am so happy to have this line out of me. Ready to be in control of my own body. To continue to make all the right choices.
I'll find out this Friday if my blood levels have gone up. I'll get B12 shots as well until it does. I'm hoping the strong doses of iron I'm taking will be enough to avoid any infusions right now. Cross your fingers!
It's a new beginning for me. For my while family. We had a rough year and I hope 2011 brings something wonderful to us.
My journey didn't start the day I had surgery. It starts now.
One last look.
Yep. That is my picc line. The whole thing ran through my arm into my chest right into the heart.
Just left with dry skin, scar tissue from the tape and a very itchy arm!
So now that I have to get in my 60-80 grams of protein by myself, I have to find things other than shakes to help me get there. These are sugar free which are the only ones out there. Also 20 grams of protein a bar! They aren't hard and tough, these are very dense but they are also soft. I can only eat half a bar at a time. Yummy flavors too!
..........
xo
I am so happy for you! I hope your arm heals fast.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering about bars - I have an Atkins one (from before surgery) that I was thinking I could try.
I am dying to try these EAS? EOS? ones that Eggsface posted about that are like Nutty Bars. I need to find ONE location to buy lots of stuff. lol.