a bittersweet weekend

I knew this day would come. Later than sooner.

But I am ready.

My mind is playing tricks on me but I have to be strong.

After my follow-up yesterday the team had a meeting about me. I feel honored.

My weight loss has stalled because of my picc line. I knew that would happen and I wasn't concerned, Just wanted to get healthy. I get about 800 calories at night and now that I'm eating like a person 3 months post-op..I'm consuming about 1500 calories. Maintaining. Not losing.

My dietitian is afraid if I stay on it longer it will affect me more mentally. You depend on it. You don't eat because it's there. Then you eat and you don't lose.

Once they pull it I will be eating about 700-800 calories a day. It will start melting off again.

Okay I am a LITTLE excited I must admit.

But there is always something lurking behind that when it comes to me.

I have dangerously low blood levels. Like infusion time levels.

I am not willing to do that right now without trying to swallow 2 pills a day of iron. I have problems swallowing all of my pills now but I told them I will gag them down if it keeps me from going in to get iron infusions.

SO..this weekend is a test for me. I am weaning off of my TPN and if by Monday I have drank fluids up the butt, feel good and eat, than my nurse pulls it. If not..which I'm scared will happen but I'm thinking positive too..I will just wean slower.

I'll miss it. Not sure why. It gave me comfort knowing I was going to be okay.Now I am on my own like a normal GB patient.

Everyone else believes in me. I have to too.
..........
xo