Tuesday, February 15, 2011

this was hard for me

I can't believe it's been 5 months since my surgery.

I didn't wanna see a side by side of myself at first. One because I know It would make me sad to see the me in the before. I know how I was feeling the day that picture was taken. (Also because I was in denial of how big I got.)

It was right before we walked out the door to have my surgery. Right before my life would change drastically. I had no idea what I was in for. I just prayed that this would work and I could take my body back. I kept thinking how could I let it get so bad that I would do something this drastic?

I look so swollen. I kept thinking water retention right? Right? Nope. Fat retention honey.

I have been forced to go out this week and buy clothes AGAIN. Can I tell you that this part is not fun yet? I see the dollar signs flash around when I go and put my pants on a month after I buy them and they are too big. Make you look fatter kinda big.

I can't stand shopping and staring at racks of clothes I can only enjoy for so long. It IS fun though shopping out of plus sizes, at least for my tops. That has been a no-no since after my first kid! My bottoms are almost there!

So I forced myself to put up this before and after. I criticize everything about me..even after losing so much weight! My shirt is too big and makes me look like I have huge arms and 5 rolls. My boobs are disappearing which I'm excited about but then I look deflated! Sigh...

But I did notice in the after that my smile is genuine this time. I am feeling good. It takes some getting used to.
.....
xo
Posted by at

7 comments:

  1. pepperFebruary 15, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    you look great!!! i have always felt so ashamed of myself too. not wanting to face what was really going on with me. it was such a good feeling to just say - forget this, i am just going to put it all out there for the world to see. and i don't care anymore. it was so liberating. so i am happy for you that you were able to put your pics up. keep up the great work.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 16, 2011 at 6:14 AM

    You look awesome!!!!

    I know I have never commented before, I'm a stalker....I had the gastric bypass 1 year and 4 months ago so I know how you feel at times. Keep up the good work, it will pay off soon! I have lost 94lbs!

    ReplyDelete
  3. marisaFebruary 16, 2011 at 8:25 AM

    Thanks so much for those encouraging comments! Pepper you were right on..it was liberating! Keep going! Jill, 94 lbs? That is awesome and so inspiring!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. SamanthaFebruary 20, 2011 at 12:20 AM

    You look amazing!.so excited for you!! I keep seeing dollar signs with clothes too but I wanna try on everything!! Lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. JenneeFebruary 20, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    Marisa! Stop the bad self talk!! I start and LITERALLY tell myself "Stop that" out loud . . . it is mean to be mean to ourselves. And I personally think can lead me back to the road of eating for no reason.

    You look wonderful!

    BTW, the shopping at times is kinda annoying . . . I mean, I knew I'd need new clothes but having skinny jeans start to fall off my non-ass is kinda silly, and a teeny bit frustrating.

    Also BTW, I have a facebook clothing selling group if you want to sell your clothes? Are you on facebook?

    Group: http://www.facebook.com/#!/home.php?sk=group_165207090173853&ap=1

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousFebruary 21, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    Girl you look simply FANTASTIC!!! And you look so much happier!!

    I hear ya about the clothes, I'm shopping goodwill as much as I can until I stop losing rapidly..

    ReplyDelete
  7. EmilyMarch 3, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    I am so proud of you to put up the before and after photos.
    Sorry you can't see my before pic. I'm still working on the after, lol.
    But seriously you are doing amazing and I'm glad you have support like all these great ladies to help you along the way!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)